For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
