Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
