i think my tv is drunk
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
