Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
