dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
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im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You are the jesus of drinking
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize