I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
