i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mom said you looked used
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
