If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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