No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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