she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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