i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
