this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
