u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
