We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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