Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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