got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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