apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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