Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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