Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?