Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.