he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.