Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.