Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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