My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
