What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
