Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
