My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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