he wants to bone in the snuggie
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Less talking, more tequila
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
