Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
