I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
