Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
