is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
