Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
