Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
