Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
