im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
