you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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