There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
