also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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