Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My bed smells like the plague
There are leaves in my underwear?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
