oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
