Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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