i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
