Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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