I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
