I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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