i can't believe i had my finger in that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
