you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.