My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
