I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?