Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole