the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
