btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks