you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
