Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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