The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
