You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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