my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
