I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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