eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
