apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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