Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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