ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
