While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
