Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
