Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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