There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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