You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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