I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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