I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
