Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
