He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
