Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
