Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
