: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
