my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
