North Korea, Best Korea!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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