I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
