This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
